Yesterday, I realized something about myself. I have developed free floating anxiety because I feel like I should have schoolwork to do. I start to panic and just do a whole ton all at once to make up for it. Yesterday I cleaned every surface in my room, did 5 loads of laundry, organized my bookshelf and cleaned and perfectly made my bed. Why? Cause I couldn't not do anything.
I feel sorta betrayed. I finally get the free time I wanted and I can't enjoy it cause I was overdoing it so much. I feel agitated and panicky now that I have nothing to do, even though I worked the majority of the day. I think I managed to develop some sort of mental disorder. I'd ask to see a therapist about it, but I have a pathological fear of them. Which, makes things difficult.
On the good side, my boyfriend said the idea of me panicking cause I don't have anything to do was sorta adorable. That helped calm me down something and I found myself smiling a lot.